Saturday, February 19, 2011

Day 29

There is a good friend of my company's who is a motivational speaker, he gives presentations all over the country and is from here in the StL area.  He lives very close to my office and comes in every once-in-a-while to talk to my company ... he also brings us pizza, so we all love him!  He was at our first User Conference and we had a really good conversation, and ever since then, his blog and inspirational messages have been a driving force in my life.  Anyway, he came in to give a presentation Friday afternoon, his message: put yourself out there.  I seriously thought he was talking directly to me (even though he has no idea about what is going on in my life).  He basically said that sometimes you just need to walk away, but other times, you need to look deep within, figure out what it is that you really want, and go for it.  He said that you cant predict how others will react to your actions, all you can do is be in control of yourself.  What everyone else thinks or does is really none of your concern, and it shouldnt run or ruin your life.

With this message fresh in my brain, it really forces me to evaluate my whole situation.  What do I really want?  

I wrote him an email.  I think I am going to send this one.  I have been spending all this time wondering how he feels and speculating about things, but why do that when I can go straight to the source and ask?  This is how I feel we got into trouble in the first place ... making assumptions that were completely wrong.  I just need to send him an email to let him know that I dont blame him for everything, that we both played an equally destructive part in the downfall of the relationship.  I realize that now, and with this fresh new perspective, I feel like this will be a good thing -- even though I still feel cautious because he could laugh in my face, or he could completely ignore me again, but if I dont put myself out there, Ill never know.  And I feel like that would be worse.

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