Answer: A LOT
It might not be too much to say that Friday was a turning point in my life. Not only as a new beginning point for a relationship that needs to be nurtured, but also as a new way of thinking and understanding -- on both ends. We were honest and open, and let go of a lot of resentment, anger, disappointment and frustration. This was the most communication we have ever had about our relationship, and possibly about anything, ever. Once we got talking, we couldnt stop. I was surprised at how easy it was to talk about all the things that I was always so nervous or scared to address. He answered all my questions with conversation, not just a yes or no answer. He elaborated on every topic I brought up, we talked about everything from the kids to love to annoyances that we had with the other person. It was eye-opening, and felt extremely freeing to finally get everything out into the open.
We went to a lake close to my house, the trail that I did a lot of my marathon training on, and it seemed to be the perfect setting for our conversation -- a good balance of unfamiliar surroundings, to keep us objective, and forward movement, to keep the communication flowing. I spent a lot of time listening, something I think I havent been so good at in the past. He spent a lot of time talking, something he hasnt been so good at in the past. It was so easy.
It seems so silly that we've been so bad at this communication thing, because it seems to come so easily to us. If I had to pinpoint one thing that lead to the downfall of our relationship, it would be this. And yet, it seemed to flow so openly yesterday. So much so, that we promised to repeat our walk around the lake once a week, or however many times it takes, so that we can maintain the open lines of communication until it no longer becomes difficult.
At the end of the day, in an attempt to put some physical significance to our discussion, we took some paper and wrote down all our grievances and our emotional baggage from the relationship in the past, with the intention of letting it go. So we took turns reading ours aloud, then crumpled each one up and tossed it into the lake, one-by-one. Some got tossed further than others, some I wanted to drop kick, but, in the end, we let it all go and agreed to start over. Together!
The relationship between him and I is never going to be easy. We both have a lot of issues we need to address individually, and a lot of areas we need to continue to work on together, but hard work is a requirement for anything that is worth doing. A relationship is no different. I think people underestimate how much work goes into a strong relationship, its a lot of give and take, and I think that we've both finally realized that. :) We need to accept eachother, good and bad, not try to change the person, but compromise to reach common ground.
With that said, tho, I think there are still a few gray areas we need to address before I can officially list us as "together". With so much confusion that has mounted in the past, I just want to recap the day and make sure we are both on the same page. We talked about SO many things, I want to be sure we didnt forget something or misinterpret anything. Communication is going to be key here, and I want to start it out on the right foot! I cant wait to talk to him today!
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